The Lunatic is in my Head

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Today was A Long, but so far without the shitshow that was last Saturday evening. Here's hoping it remains chill.

The light's been getting earlier and earlier (as we are somewhat high latitude compared to the rest of the US) and Kittenpants has therefore been waking up earlier and earlier and yelling. So both of us were up before Belovedest's alarm. I made a sausage patty, potato, and mixed veg item, which was delicious. (Secret ingredients included onion powder and gravy powder.)
The original plan was for me to drive, but my left wrist is (still) upset at me in a way it never has been before, and I was in A State. Belovedest drove.

( Day. )

I've been doing little semi-bullet-journal daily lists lately. Some to-do items, some self-care items, some of the events of the day, some things where I need a progress bar to motivate me. Belovedest saw me working on one before we left in the morning and commented with some measure of satisfaction at it. I like having the little visual records, and I try to get them scanned into my photo album before they get lost forever. (My this-is-scanned mark is a short slash coming down from the top right corner, looking like an incomplete bend sinister, gules.)

The Sea-Tac temperature tied the record from 1996 or something like that. I had the window open with a tiny fan last night, and this afternoon had Belovedest set up the 20" fan that lives on the dining room table from the beginnings of heat in the spring until it cools down in the fall. The date I have on the rotating cycle of papers that marks our seasons prescribes that the air conditioner be hauled into the window on Beltane. This is the second day we might could have used an air condition. I decided that adding heat to the kitchen was probably not a great idea, and combined the fridge patrol for vegetables to be used up before they turned with that concept. So cucumber salad it was. The avocados had betrayed me, but fortunately we had some of the little cups of salted smashed avocado. That, cheese, peas, and the new tub of mushrooms? Nom nom nom. The old tub of mushrooms was about to turn, so I cooked it down into a tasty topping that will probably go on a burger or something this week. There is only a tiny box of the salad left, but two more cucumbers that will need using soon.

I will probably flatten myself into bed with a bowl of blueberries and a book, or play a few more rounds of gems before conking out.

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I got my second shot on Saturday the 10th.
( site reaction, no pics )

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Woke up early for tire appointment drop off; had breakfast, shower, clothes. Laid out stuff for appointment.
Dropped off car for new tires.
Picked up prescriptions.
Ran quickly through Costco.
Refueled Belovedest's Toaster. The cherry-or-plum blossoms were fantastic.
Got sourdough bread, burrito, and sunflower seeds at USChef'Store (I do not like the name change).
Picked up car.
Put away cold foods and tried to split up 5lb bag of sunflower seeds so they had a chance of not going rancid.
Discovered that the best-by date was Dec 2020 (granted it was March 405th, 2020).
Did a small amount of makeup so my eyes would show up better in the inevitable selfies.
Grabbed snacks, vaccination card, necklace-crown.
Headed to exchange sunflower seeds (it had to be a return and they will talk with their vendor because the other bag was October 2020).
Got to vaccine site. Parked. Double-masked. Trundled around back to special entrance (many problems with accessibility of setup).
Just as we got inside, it started hailing gently outside.
Got checked in, seated in the Moderna queue. (Alex got sent straight back for Pfizer.)
Got second shot in the same room as first shot. Got selfie.
Waited. Got picture at official selfie station. (Got compliment on necklace-crown.)
Suggested that instead of getting burgers at adjacent place, order them for pickup at the place nearer home.
Traffic delay. Put in an inquiry about some fabric in Bremerton. Negotiated a vague pickup time. (The person in front of me only wanted the camping gear.)
Got burgers. Nomfed burgers.
Nyoomed off for fabric.
Nyoomed back with fabric, after causing a slight delay at the toll plaza where the attendant in my line and I admired each other's hairdye.
Submitted the toll plaza to the map, after getting bad directions.
Found a small herd of classic My Little Ponies; showed Seanan. "They're good Ponies, but no one is going to drive me all the way to Tacoma for Ponies."
Made arrangements with my within-seven-miles neighbor for Pony pickup. Tomorrow.
Went to write up the day. Discovered that the rolling file that I keep writing in was missing. Discovered other missing files: all libraries, all desktop, all program data files. Much of my writing. All of my chat logs.
Expressed the general problem, my files being gone, before going nonverbal and into an extremely non-useful mental loop about having been hit with an injury like Captain Illyan's and what it might mean for my future. (I still have not fully processed the year from June 2016 to June 2017, which contains my courtship with Belovedest and my cancer recovery.)
Went with possible solution #1 that Belovedest found while I was wailing: rollback to previous version.
Sent venomous feedback.
Towed Belovedest off to nearest soft horizontal surface to wait.
Played gems while waiting and being comforted by Belovedest and Emotional Support Weighted Purrbucket Yellface.
Confirmed that my files were back.
Copied my log folder to external, immediately.
Had enough snack to take pills.
Took a benadryl for the random itchy places.
Went to bed.

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It's nothing new for me to wake up at odd hours of the night. So when I woke up at 3am Sunday morning, I snuck to the bathroom, then came back and played a few rounds of games, did a little light reading, and figured that since my water bottle was down to its last cup, I might as well go refill it before getting back to sleep. I tiptoed into the kitchen, what I thought was quietly. (Squeak.) Huh, that's a new one, usually the squeak is in the middle of the hall by the bathroom. I filled the water bottle. (Squeak.)

Okay, that sounded like a dying smoke alarm. Dammit. I thought Belovedest had replaced all the batteries that needed replacing? Around the equinox? Like it says on our holiday sheets? In any case, it was quiet, probably downstairs, and if it was downstairs I probably wouldn't hear it in bed. And the middle of the night is cold, so the electrons do not flow as freely, and that's when they start beeping. Dammit. So I went back to bed and got tucked in and pulled the blanket over my eyes. (squeak.)

At this point Anxiety Brain(TM) kicked in. WHAT IF IT'S REALLY THAT THE BASEMENT IS ON FIRE. No. The basement is not on fire. It would do a "beeeedeeeeeedeeeebeeddedeeedeeeeee" if that were the case. BUT WHAT IF IT JUST SMELLS A LITTLE SMOKE.

And then my Traitor Brain did a THING.

*puff*

For one hot second, in my next breath, I smelled smoke.

ALL the alarm bells went off. Despite my trusty beta blocker, I was now ready to do battle with a bear or drag a couch out of a building.

I sampled the next noseful. Nothing. But was that nothing as in nothing, or nothing as in my nose had acclimated?

DAMMIT BRAIN, I thought back hard. My fucking traitor brain had served me an olfactory hallucination. It was sweet wood smoke, not the sort of smoke you get from a house fire or a stove fire or any other kind of fire. The platonic essence of smoke, not real smoke. Brain, you asshole.

You cannot argue with that much adrenaline, so I settled myself in for another few hours of quiet bed-related activities. I was still awake around 7 when Belovedest's alarm started going off. They said they'd go look for the chirp. Then it took me a while longer after that to get back to sleep, finally.

My brain has occasionally served me little harmless olfactory hallucinations over the years. This is the most obnoxious one yet.

Around 2, I stirred and realized that Belovedest was still here. It only belatedly hit that of course they were home, it was Easter, and the Christian-centric US public holidays meant that their workplace would be closed.

Belovedest had a nice chat with both their parents (separately); I sent their mom the picture I'd made them pose for with the Costco-sized sack of Cadbury Eggs (the kind with the texture like a blackboard). We chatted ham radio with their dad (he is pro ham radio; I joked that the first exam sounded like learning which government agency you've just pissed off if you build your antenna wrong). Their aunt recently had surgery for her Dupuytren's contracture (shit!!!) and it was successful and she's recovering nicely, but that plus Belovedest's great-grandfather having it bad means that we need to watch Belovedest like a hawk. I have looked up the info for the places that do the radiotherapy for it; there is one in Yakima, which is a moderately obnoxious drive away.

This morning, I heard the chirp again. Belovedest and I got dressed for my car's appointment, then did A Listen. It was downstairs, of course, and it was one where Belovedest had already changed the battery. So we'll have to get a replacement. Sigh.

We dropped the car off. I'd had a line on some scrap foam, and with Alex wanting a particular pillow project, foam sounded like just the thing. The place was in Tumwater. I called, and had a nice chat with the person, the proprietor of a tiny boutique mattress and cushion shop. I determined that when we do that couch project I've been talking about, she's the person to commission the replacement cushions from if DIY seems like a bad idea. (DIY seems like a bad idea.)

We ... have foam.

We probably could have fit more into the car, by putting the seat down and doing some very specific squishing, but it expands to fill available space, and there was enough that it took up lots of it. So I've got some plans for things; I'm waiting on a long upholstery needle to string some yarn loosely through the perforations to discourage it from drifting, and I'll need the correct adhesive for some of the more ambitious concepts. Currently lined up we have lonmg bolster for Alex, and work-chair cushion for Belovedest. Perhaps also a bed wedge for Belovedest.

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Bad hip day, again. I've been going through some of my feelings about bodies and society, on account of I have a therapist now and it seems like the homework I should be doing. I'm fairly angry about a lot of things, very few of them related to things that I have the leverage to change.

I underslept a bit last night, so it probably should not have surprised me that when I fell back over into bed with angry hips, that I wound up taking a nap when the ibuprofen and voltaren kicked in. My left wrist is going out in a novel, tendon-y way that is likely due to holding the phone in a bad way when lying on my right side and playing horizontal mode games. I need to track down the correct wrist brace to discourage this. I am trying to avoid stressing it in the meantime.

Belovedest's siblings are sharing pictures of various bunny-related items (a balloon bunny, an egg holder bunny cup artifact); I sent back a picture of the large bag of small eggs.

We had waffles for dinner. Belovedest snagged the small waffle iron from the lowest shelf of the baking shelves, whereupon they discovered that Yellface had been using the (unplugged) plug as a chew toy. SOMEONE NEEDS BETTER HOBBIES, CAT. There is now a barrier between the baking shelf and the kitten nook, not that the kitten nook is currently occupied on account of the pillow case is going in the next major wash because Alex was sitting on it during the beef incident.

Next miscellaneous sewing project is probably going to be a bed-length-plus barrier pillow for Alex; not sure if we have the correct stuffing on hand but I saw a relevant post the other day.

My Craigslist habit continues, mostly manifesting as scrolling, faving, and not contacting the people on account of I don't want to go Out if I can avoid it, most days.

Android has an optional bedtime mode these days, which can include making your phone go black and white while charging at bedtime hours. I had to turn that off on account of being awake at weird hours means you've got to do something, and match-three games work much better with color.

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